Testimonials

I am 50 years old. I first lost my will to live at age 16, due to being raised in a hate-filled violent home and having a family history of suicides and nervous breakdowns. I spent the next 25 years or so going in and out of depression. Finally I qualified for Social Security Disability for Chronic Depression along with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was bedridden for most of 3 years, so paralyzed from depression that I was unable to get up to urinate and would lie in bed with my kidneys aching, so paralyzed that I could not roll over and reach for the telephone to call for help. I wanted to commit suicide the better part of each day for years but resisted out of respect for the giver of life - and no other reason. Being a person who ate all natural foods, made fresh juices and homemade wholegrain breads, I did not want to take any drugs - I viewed it as the greatest defeat, that my happiness wasn't valid if it came about from drugs. Finally I came face to face with death and knew it was either that or try an anti-depressant. The sorry truth is I probably could have done well on tyrosine and tryptophan but couldn't afford the $70's worth a month, whereas my Medical Assistance Pharmacy Card let me get any prescription for only $5/month. That was real sad to me. Since I was manic on occasion and my psychiatrist knew I hated synthetic drugs, he started me out with lithium (not the drug Librium, but the naturally mined mineral lithium). The prescription cost only $1.30/month - no card needed! It felt wonderful within 20 minutes of taking my first dose, like I'd needed it all my life, like it put the jigsaw pieces of my mind back together immediately. It wasn't actually a drug, so I was thrilled to have something that made me feel better. That lasted nicely for about 4 months. Then I found it seemed to make me a kind of depressed shortly after I took it [I later read a new medical study which found it is ideal for those who are mainly manic, but not so good for those who are mostly depressed, as I was]. What was I to do now? It frightened me. Finally I agreed to try Prozac. I was totally surprised to find how quickly it worked (with me it only takes a few days - my digestion is excellent and my whole system is very sensitive and responsive, even to vitamins) and how COMPLETELY it took away my depression. The problem was that, even though I took only 10 mg/day, I would get so talkative (well, call it what it is: manic) that people would look at me curiously and ask how much caffeine I'd had. But it was worth it to me to have the energy, the productivity, the motivation, and the happiness I had been without for so very long. I must say, I still would recommend it in an emergency for anyone who is suicidal and doesn't know where to begin to get a natural regime going. It can save a life and help you to think straight long enough to get your natural supplements figured out and purchased and lined up in tiny cups for the next week so you don't fail to haul out all the bottles and get depressed all over again! But . . . then the effect of the Prozac began to wear off. After about a year and a half it worked less & less until it didn't work at all - and taking a double dose made no difference whatsoever. I ended up agreeing with my therapist to enter myself in a psychiatric ward for the first time in my life, since I had lost my will to live. I was there for 6 days - 3 grateful days followed by 3 miserable days and wondering if I would ever be allowed out...I hope no one else has that experience. In the hospital I was put on Depakote. Now, Depakote was very effective on my severely schizophrenic husband, but it made me unable to speak, to stand, to walk. I was severely drugged and my psychiatrist ignored my complaint that it was too strong. Furthermore, I was in such severe stomach pain from it after only 2 days that I was doubled over from it. He said I would get used to it!! When he wouldn't take me off it I asked to be released, and quite nearly was not allowed - if you voluntarily enter yourself in a hospital, you CANNOT leave until the doctor okays it! That was a creepy feeling, like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. I never want to go back to that place if I can help it. I had to pretend I would keep on taking the Depakote in order to be released! I was shocked to find out from my regular psychiatrist that it is quite typical for an anti-depressant to work for a while, then it must be stopped as you change prescriptions to another type. So I switched to Celexa. It immediately (same day) worked great. I was happy again. But this only lasted for about a year, and then, like a returning nightmare, its effects, too, began to wear off. But both times (with Prozac and Celexa) I wasn't sure it was the medicine. I thought it was me, the things happening to me, the horrible way my brutal and adulterous (now ex-) husband was treating me - so I didn't even think to ask for a different prescription. When I finally did, they put me back on Prozac. Amazingly it worked great all over again - but after about a year it again stopped working. I remembered what happened the last time it wore off, and knew I didn't want anymore of these depressing, time-wasting, even deadly rollercoasters. Plus I'd been reading of frightening side effects of Prozac (and other anti-depressants), even though I hadn't experienced any obvious side effects yet. I still hated the idea of being dependent on a drug that gives me no nourishment whatsoever, that will only work temporally, and that may cause serious physical and mental side effects. I still loved the idea of going natural. So I tried taking St. John's Wort. My kind psychiatrist was somewhat favorable to natural cures and said that if I take it, I'll probably have to take 20x the amount the label says to take for it to do any good. I wondered it that was an exaggeration (which it was, as you shall see). He said never to take it with Prozac. So, I stopped the Prozac one day, and started on the St. John's Wort the next. ERROR! I had the severest dizzy spells I have ever had, bumping into things, room spinning severely, etc. I also lost the ability to TALK at times!! I would open my mouth and nothing would come out!! This really alarmed me. I gave it 2 more weeks and when this would not stop, I had to quit the St. John's Wort. The problem was that it takes Prozac a good 2 weeks to get out of one's system - and it is definitely true that you CANNOT take Prozac and St. John's Wort at the same time, as I have proven to myself. I decided to give the St. John's Wort another trial - but this time, I just built up my determination to survive 2-3 weeks of no Prozac until it cleared my system. I knew I could do it, with help waiting on the other side. I made it through 3 weeks without a hitch for some amazing reason, then started on the St. John's Wort. Hey! It worked great with zero side effects!! I felt so secure with this natural herb. Only buy the standardized kind so you can rely on your dose. It has really been a help. I only took 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening. After about 3 months, I was going through a hard time with loneliness and upped my dose to 3 in the morning and 3 at evening time. That was very successful and still is - and of course is nowhere near the 40 capsules my psychiatrist thought would be necessary. It has not taken all my problems away, but neither do I act like a maniac on it, either. For a real boost on a rough day I make tea with the flowers of the St. John's Wort bush that my employer just happens to grow in her side yard! That is a guaranteed immediate success, which I highly recommend. Because of my many causes for and tendency toward anxiety, I find that I need something additional. So I now take Valerian (wow - what a calmative) one cap 2x/day. I also tried Theanine for awhile, and felt pretty good while on that but not dramatically better. I want to be able to afford to add tyrosine someday. I wish the old tryptophan could be bought at the strengths it was available in 15 years ago! The 5htp (spelling?) did nothing for me whatsoever, a couple years ago. Oh. I also highly recommend a whopping B-Complex supplement, such as B-150, and about 1 gram of Ester C for good measure to combat what stress does to the body. I add a 500 mg capsule of Niacin, which has a specially normalizing effect on my mind. Magnesium is such a marvelous relaxer - getting rid of those frightening heart irregularities. A bath in it (that's all Epsom Salt is, ya know) is an instant calmative. Another little thing I do for myself is to keep a pair of comfortable earplugs with me at all time to block out any stressful noise I happened to be exposed to in the store, dental office, mechanic, etc.. I hope my case is helpful to someone.